the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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