You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
