You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
