New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
