Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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