so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
