I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
