my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
