When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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