I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
