Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
