I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
