Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i think im in europe. pls send help
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
