Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
