And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
