I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
