hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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