Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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