This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
