Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
