Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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