I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize