He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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