My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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