pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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