Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
