we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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