I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
