I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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