Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I came so hard my ears popped.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
