So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
as a side note pls kill me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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