The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
