Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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