I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
