How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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