i already hear my dad disowning me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
