Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
