So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You ruined the universe
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
