32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
