She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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