You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
