last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
