I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
