I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
