There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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