my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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