you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
