I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
