Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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