Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
