Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
