he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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