Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i now understand why vodka
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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