I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
