Nicole vs. Life
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
