The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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