Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
