This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
