Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
