Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
