I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
