he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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