I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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