Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
