She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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