My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm jealous of your bromance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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