Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
