your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
