So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
