There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
