Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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