dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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