I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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