i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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