Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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