Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Randomize
