My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
